It has been exactly a month and 2 days since the first post by this title. Since then I have embarked on my other interests: Music, poetry, football and movies/series. I actually slowly got addicted to this prose thing. I guess because I don’t have to answer questions like: “What did you mean by that poem?” or “Are you ok?” or “Are you having suicidal thoughts?”. That last one. 😀 You really don’t have any idea how much I love myself do you? Anyway, since then, several people have kept asking for a continuation to the story. Some are just stalkers as I was accused to be just because I was crushing on the beautiful Ess. (Yeah, we actually tell her name now. Why hide when my blogger friends made sure the post got to her?). Others are hopeless romantics who really want this story to have a happy ending and the rest are some who just love to see the world burn in this case my torment.
In any case, since then the following has transpired. Soon after the hot ears and cold sweats were gone. (Who am I lying to? I had to stay off her blog to stay sane). But really, the best thing about a crush is that it actually comes to an end. And then one can see the person for who they really are. And end it did. I was now reading her blog and still do for the awesome writing skills that she has. (I cannot say fashion tips…she does dresses and lipstick and my rock phase is long over otherwise I would have asked for advice on how best to put on black make up and be stylishly goth.) And let me tell you, the girl has talent. She uses very simple words and a lot of pictures (Still not good for my sanity) to pass really good information across. She does walk her talk. In a nutshell, no other poems have been forthcoming. Not that I wouldn’t want to do that but at this point I would actually want to have her read them. I don’t plan on forgetting her though sometimes some of my friends think I have and keep sending me links to her new posts. (You people are the worst. Dare I mention all these friends are girls??). In the present I can honestly say this (and hopefully my future wife never has to see this), she is the girl of my dreams. Not because I don’t believe that she also could be a reality but I was born an idealist and grew up to be a realist. There are several parameters that would have to be examined before this came to pass. Several hurdles to be jumped and probably a few hearts to be broken.
I am writing this when in a rush as I pack to leave for Angola. My OCD prone nerves will make me check and recheck for my passport till I leave it on the table. At the moment, my heart might be in the right place but my mind isn’t. I will therefore keep this post short. For those who have no idea who the lady is, I can’t post her pictures for I am pretty sure they are copyrighted. But I did supply the link to her blog above. In closing, I believe the best way to put my point across is through these lyrics from J. Cole’s “Dreams”:
Seems like I always had crushes on chicks I couldn’t have And then I end up f***ing with someone I shouldn’t have See, in my mind, it’s like I’m perfect for her, I gotta show her But sadly, in reality, dog, I don’t even know her But still somehow she got my mind infatuated Absolutely fascinated with the thoughts of what she might be like Time after time after time I had to wait, is-… Is fate procrastinating? I can take it ’cause I might be right.
The great people of Westeros after having reconciled to serve under one king or rather queen…Khaleesi Daenerys Targaryen decide to conquer more of the world. They arrive at Metropolis ready for war but they find the Justice League waiting for them. The Khaleesi feeling that there should be no blood shed offers the Justice League a chance to surrender.
Daenerys: We have dragons. Surrender and you shall not be harmed.
Nightwing: We have Superman.
Tywin Lannister: We have loads of kryptonite found in our mines at Lannisport. You really have to know when the war is lost.
The Flash: That is if you can get to it before I can.
Red Priestess: You cannot outrun the Lord of light.
The Flash: puhlease…I can break the speed of light.
Lord Varys: My little birds tell me if you do that now you would die.
Batman: Your little birds cannot find out most of my secrets.
Tyrion Lannister: Son, never forget what you are. For the world will surely not. You are an orphan. Say it!
Batman: I’m Batman!!
Jaime Lannister: What a bunch of sissies walking around in tights.
(Renly Baratheon whispers to The Knight of flowers, Loras Tyrell): I do love their look. Especially that Robin boy. Boywonder I hear they call him *sniggers*
Wonder Woman: If I call my sisters, your army will be no match for us.
(Robin Arryn to his Mother): I’m hungry. I want to feed from her. *Points at Wonder Woman’s bosom*
Aquaman: Watch your mouth boy.
Jon Snow: I have known a better woman than yours fish boy.
Ygritte: Awww…
Martian Manhunter: You know nothing Jon Snow.
Ned Stark: Bring me Ice. *Theon Greyjoy brings forth the Valyrian Steel sword.*
Ned Stark: I mean ice for my ale boy!
Ramsey Snow: Let’s castrate them all. *Psycho grin*
Superman: We don’t recognize the Kingdom of Westeros. And we are very much against incest. *Throws a glance at Cersei.*
Joffrey Baratheon: Treason! Kill them all! Treason!
(Daenerys looks over to Daario Naharis and Ser Jorah): What say you my trusted advisors?
Daario: Valar morghulis.
The fighting starts. Littlefinger stands far away humming: “Chaos is a ladder….” He feels the cold blade at his throat and then the renown chilling words. “Why so serious?”
Waxing lyrical, my words are philosophical.
Competition empirical, my life is spiritual.
I am mastering my fate. Learning to simmer the hate.
Getting up from my fall. Becoming a captain to my soul.
I shift my keys when typing. Capitalizing on your yapping.
My prose and poetry is in cursive. Connected so in your mind they are intrusive.
Look at the world try to run the bandit. I need it to learn, I hypnotise I’m the Gambit.
They call me a poet. Fools, I am Nike, I just do it.
I have been shamed, I’ve been blamed.
But one day on your walls, I’ll be framed.
I don’t spit, maybe I ain’t got enough saliva.
But at the rhyme’s end I am the lone survivor.
I’m an African that’s how I know I can.
Had a constipated mind. That’s why I de-Colon-ised.
Now I rhyme and flow in the languages of the world.
I don’t mime, I show up and free the hostages from the wild.
Laughing at the laxity of my lexicon.
Surpassing the sorcery of any septon.
Grappling with gaudy geekiness.
Fighting ferociously for word fielty.
Did I lose you in the annals of my hubris?
Left you at the junction of my thought maze?
The smile of my light will bring you bliss.
However long the eons you shall emerge from the haze.
For my heart is no longer on my sleeve but in my hands.
My hurt no longer in my sleep but in my words.
The above was a voice practice verse that we used to do when I was in the mixed Alliance and Alliance Girls school choir. I know it’s hard to imagine I ever sang. Actually I still do. However, with a very raspy voice, thanks to years of screaming at rock concerts, football matches and of course the accompanying cold Milele (that’s Kenya’s greatest beer – Tusker – for those who might get lost early on in this post.)
I listen to very many genres of music. I have a favourite in at least each one that I know of. However growing up, this was not always the case. I grew up in the MCM and Channel O era. They say if she does not know of this, she’s too young for you but hey, girls my age are married or having kids 😀 . This meant the choice of genres of music was not that much and we did not have that fast internet we now pride ourselves in nor the easily available torrents and music DVDs. So do not judge the fact that I had a crush on Aaliyah, Mariah Carey (used to call her Maria then not Maryah), Britney Spears and Janet Jackson. I really did not have that many singers to choose from. However, in a weird way, my greatest crush was always one, the Late Lisa “left eye” Lopes. I have a thing for tomboy-ish girls like Keri Hilson, the old Rihanna etc. WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS??
It is no wonder that R n B was most predominantly my genre in my primary school life. I knew of the existence of Hip Hop but growing up in a household where the word kiss was almost taboo, how were you going to be singing along to Ice Cube, Dre, Mack Dre, Xzibit and Lost Boyz? You would probably spontaneously combust and end up in a heap of cussing ashes. (Yes I love writing curse that way). By the time I was joining high school, the Godfather of Genge (Nonini) , the best there ever was (E-Sir), Mr Lenny, Mr Googz, Vinny Banton and of course Nameless were becoming part of my life. We had the girls too. Wahu, Amani and I remember one Melissa de Blok. She was awfully cute. She still is. 🙂 Local Kenyan music became a big part of me and my patriotism made me shun foreign music. There were older groups before that but I was too young to have known their music like Limit X. And can someone remind me who sang that “Niongeleshe” song?
I especially hated rock music by then which I deemed noise. That was up until the beat dropped on the chorus to “It’s my life” by one Jon Bon Jovi. I am not good rather not great with rules and here was a chorus I could relate to. And thus my love for rock was born. In came Matchbox Twenty, Creed, Blink 182, The Corrs, The Calling, Maroon Five etc. I still hated Hip Hop. It was not as poetic as I found rock to be. Someone should have pointed me in the right direction.
This was to change so fast. I was barely out of high school when I encountered a Jay Z Album followed by a Nas one, A Common one and Talib Kweli’s “Beautiful Struggle” afterwards. I could barely believe how much I had missed all these years. All genres were dropped as I got accustomed to Hip Hop. I was listening to everything. From local to international Hip Hop. Even French Hip Hop. I started writing poems with punch-lines and I could hear the beat in my head. Its fiery lightning buzzing in my ears.
I am that guy that goes physically and internally crazy when parts of a certain song come up. I have had other songs that make me clench my fists and almost scream as the beat drops since Jon’s old rock song. I don’t know how many of these are anyone’s favourite but I will list them just as well.
Let’s go bananas!!!!
Imagine Dragon’s Radioactive the first verse part where they make a breathing in sound.
Maroon 5’s Harder to breathe. The first drum set just before the song starts.
Macklemore’s Can’t hold us . The first 4 lines that go like: “
Return of the Mack, get up! What it is, what it does, what it is, what it isn’t. Looking for a better way to get up out of bed Instead of getting on the Internet and checking a new hit”
Swedish House Mafia’s Don’t you worry child. The whole song because of the fact as the group was splitting up. I felt like this was an ode to their fans. Telling them not to worry as they left the world music scene.
Avicii’s Wake me up when the beat drops after these lines:
I didn’t know I was lost I didn’t know (didn’t know, didn’t know)
Of course, after all is said and done, the most current, blood-heating, bone-chilling, heart-bursting, dopamine-gushing, insanity roof-breaking song remains Idina Menzel’s Chorus from Let it go in Frozen immediately after these words:
My power flurries through the air into the ground. My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast I’m never going back; the past is in the past!
For goodness sake there’s the word “fractals” in the song!!! I had to Google the word when I heard the song for the first time.
I have been in this world for over quarter of a century. I have listened to as much music as I can. From the best of Bob Marley to the Waterworld of Handel and the New Age of Enya. I have gone insane listening to Mozart, playing an invisible violin to Lindsey Stirling’s Crystallize. I am a child of the world. I exist in colour, in words, in art and most importantly in sound. They do not speak of the earthly bodies in heaven, these dust to dust bodies. There is no talk of paintings or murals there too. But they talk of harps, trumpets, singing etc. One thing is for sure. Music alone shall live.
I seen a rainbow yesterday
But too many storms have come and gone
Leavin’ a trace of not one God-given ray
Is it because my life is ten shades of gray
I pray all ten fade away
Seldom praise Him for the sunny days
And like His promise is true
Only my faith can undo
The many chances I blew
To bring my life to anew
Clear blue and unconditional skies
Have dried the tears from my eyes
No more lonely cries – Lisa Lopes/ TLC
Girls love bad boys. And nice guys always finish last. We have heard all these cliché quotes before. And no my title is not a mistake for those who have heard the ragga song by Chris Martin. I am here to discuss fidelity, cheaters, players, forgiveness and moving on. I told someone minutes before I typed this out, that we will never be finished products. We learn from mistakes. We tweak ourselves to become better. We leave behind some of our beliefs. Change our dogmas as life moves along and we grow up, for some of us just growing old is the only benefit. I am up at 5 am typing this because that is just who I am. Sometimes I don’t get any sleep at all. And on a night like this or rather day as it is morning, I get an idea to write. It is in a writer’s prerogative to never keep an inspired thought for another day. I decided to start writing prose so I can explain my life in a more direct fashion that people could understand better than the poems I have written since I was a wee kid. Moreover, I can get to calm down the turmoil in my mind. It is also just right as I have been known to talk quite a lot. When in the mood. At other times, I am so quiet that people actually think I am sick. I am that guy who will be overjoyed and making noise when you visit but three hours later I am spent and quiet and wondering when you will leave.
On this blog, I have written various poems and articles. Themes have ranged from love, religion, family and odes to a crush. 🙂 . Today I hope to open another door. I hope to educate not just entertain. People listen to me. People say I give great advice. On schooling, relationships, career. I am not saying that I take my advice. The point is I listen and I give you an honest opinion that applies to your situation. YOUR SITUATION. That is one big reason I don’t read self-help books. I don’t believe one person’s account or opinion can apply to millions of people. You can only be the best help to yourself. You have the best chance of understanding yourself. The guy who designs the car knows how it works better than the mechanic who later services it. That is just my opinion.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These are the best known trademark steps of grief and being cheated on. I have cheated before. I could not understand the pain the other person was going through despite having been cheated on before. I am so indifferent and nonchalant at times it even shocks me. That might also explain why I don’t attend funerals anymore. But that is a story for another day. The point I hope to discuss today is that last step. The acceptance part.
Acceptance has been heavily linked with forgiveness and moving on. People toy around with the forgetting part and that’s where I draw the line. I don’t forget anything. Because that is where the lesson is forgotten. The hurtful decisions and mistakes are swept under the rug and we hold our noses to the stink. This goes out mostly to the ladies. They are the most probable victims of this. Men are somehow wired to be so jealous and egotistical that forgiving let alone forgetting is almost impossible. Without betraying any gender unlike one Mr. Steve Harvey who I still have a bone to pick with, I will explain why.
Let me put this in perspective. First, you need to get this into your mind no matter how short, fat, “ugly” or low-born (Game of Thrones influence) you think you are. You are the best of you there is. You are the star in your life. And you will always be the catch no matter who you friend or date. This means that you should never ever settle for less than you deserve. The same respect and love that you give should be accorded to you. You are not in this life to please anyone. Leave ass kissing to…well…the asses..I mean donkeys. Part of your life goal would be to make someone happy. But make truly sure that you are getting the same thing out of it. I speak from both sides of the spectrum. As a cheater and a victim.
Below are the most common thoughts in the mind of the two when people choose to forget.
CHEATER
Mmmh I am this great, I actually did this and she still wants me back?
Is she dumb or something, maybe I should look for someone better.
She has not forgotten, she just wants to punish me. I really need to look for someone else for when this goes awry.
Now that I already cheated, she wants back in so she can hurt me the same way by cheating. That means I should just continue cheating to avoid the heartache when she does.
I am the King of the world.
VICTIM
Is there something wrong with me? Why did he cheat on me? Am I fat? “Ugly”?, stupid? On that last one, you probably are if you go back.
I must have made the mistake, why would he have been talking to another girl?
I need to better myself for him to keep him.
I guess now I’ll start cooking and cleaning for him.
I can’t be faithful to this kind of person but I really need him in my life.
I am the punishment of God.
From the points above, you can see that the outcome on both ends is not healthy for anyone. So, I am here to make you understand one thing. You should never go back and you should never forget. A person who cheats on you does not love and does not care. Maybe they once did but not anymore. No matter how physical or emotional the cheating is, what it means is that at that one time you were playing second fiddle to someone else. Ironic, considering someone was probably playing with his fiddle. It means that you could easily stop being number one in his/her life again if the opportunity presented itself. You, my dear have become what he is settling for. For the moment. Of course there are exceptions. Not in my book though. And they are rare as a truly great CW series. Do not gamble. And if you have to, make sure you are not an amateur at the blackjack table.
Some people just give in because of their age. Don’t do that. No matter what. Do not settle. Life remains the longest thing you ever have to do. One man had his first book published at 96. If you forget you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn you never grow, mature or model yourself to be able to have the right instincts. You also never get to learn how to handle certain challenges. Always remember, you are the star of your life. Don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel any different.
When across seas, another whispers. The same thoughts and fears. The same plots and cheers.
For whom it may concern,
Forge ahead until you can no longer bleed.
Fall in love until you can no longer dream.
Feed your eyes and ears with all the knowledge your fertile mind will allow in this lifetime.
For you are married to the earth and stars my friend, and they in turn are providing the festivities which embrace your wanting person every feverish moment and haunted hour.
Fill your tummy with sugars and sweets and swallow fine wines imported from other countries without forgetting to maintain your good health for as long as
Forever will last.
( This week I was unable to write my Wednesday post for many personal reasons. This poem is my personal mantra. I read it when I was an emotional angry teenager and it has changed my life)
The Divine Bandit™ 